1. WeTab: Its from Germany, its been threatening to rollout since April 2010, and its named “We” instead of “i” because Germans are an inclusive bunch. Signature feature: Its based on MeeGo. 2 negatives make a positive?
2. Xoom: It came with a promise of future awesomeness, its over-priced and its CEO admitted it was flawed. Signature feature: Its pronounced xoom
3. Galaxy Tab: Mimics everything from the iPad, including the packaging. Signature feature: Mimics the iPad, including the packaging, but just not well
4. PlayBook: Its for serious professionals. Signature feature: You cant get email on it
5. TouchPad: It came with a promise of future awesomeness, is over-priced for the plasticky, glossy finish present suckiness. Signature feature: Its screen is as responsive as an iPad thats turned off.
6. G-Slate: It costs $530 after rebate with a contract & has 3 cameras. Signature feature: It has 3 crappy cameras
7. EEE Pad Transformer: It transforms from pad bad to pad awful. Signature feature: Its branded EEE
8. Iconia: Next to a EEE no one will know the difference. Signature feature: It costs $20 less than an iPad 2.
9. ViewSonic 10: It dual boots Android and Windows 7. Signature feature: It dual boots
10. HTC Flyer: It has a stylus. Signature feature: It has a stylus
11. Nook: Its an ereader that poor WSJ op-ed writers hack into a tablet. Signature feature: Its an ereader
12. IdeaPad: It looks like EEE but it has Idea and Pad in its name. Signature feature: Its neither a good laptop or good tablet
13. Streak: It was designed with help from Rob Enderle. Signature feature: Its dead
14. Thrive: Its thicker than a laptop, gives you a replaceable battery. Signature feature: Its thicker than a laptop
15. Amazon Something: No one has seen it but everyone talks about it & will be sold tax free to states that want to collect sales taxes. Signature feature: Its as mysterious as Kindle sales numbers
16. Windows 8 SlateTabSomething: Its multi-purpose – like a ViewSonic 10. Signature feature: Windows! Windows! Windows
17. Ricoh eQuill: It wont print or collate. Signature feature: it wont collate
18. Cisco Cius: It replaces your office phone, PC, laptop, & base model costs $750. Signature feature: It comes with a telephone headset
19. COBY Kyros Internet Tablet MID8024: The name says you can get on the internet. Signature feature: You’ll hate COBY’s version of the Internet
20. Pandigital Novel: It costs $90. Signature feature: It costs $90
a. Rick Santorum: He’s pro-life and pro-war. Signature issue: He’s not what Google says he is.
b. Mitt Romney: He has good head of hair, changed positions more than wind in 3Com park, signed universal healthcare, increased taxes in MA: Signature issue: Ronald Reagan
c. Sarah Palin: She’s a hockey mom, travels around in a bus, misquotes US history, loathes Katie Couric, winks. Signature issue: gotcha questions
d. Rick Perry: He has good head of hair, wants TX to secede from US, shoots coyotes in urban settings, prays for rain. Signature issue: his hair.
e. Thad McCotter: He plays the guitar. Signature issue: Wanting to attend Silvio Berlusconi’s bunga bunga parties featuring underage girls
f. Newt Gingrich: He’s committed adultery three times and is the disgraced former House speaker. Signature issue: morality
g. Buddy Roemer: Buddy switched from Dem to GOP in 1991 .. and lost every election. Signature issue: He’s one of handful of Harvard Grads named Buddy
h. Ron Paul: For past 35 years in government he’s wanted government out of money, schools, business, wars. Signature issue: Retiring with full government pension, health benefits
i. Herman Cain: He’s a black republican & 100% wingnut. Signature issue: He’s a black republican
j. Tim Pawlenty: He likes movies, mullets & long walks around hockey rinks. Signature issue: He’s the human Ambien
k. Jon Huntsman: He likes riding Harleys, wrote love letters to Obama and speaks Chinese. Signature issue: Speaks Chinese
l. Gary Johnson: He wants government out of beds, businesses, schools. Signature issue: Wants to Ron Paul like government job
m. Chris Christie: He coordinated with Karl Rove to initiate a bogus prosecution against a Dem Senator, cut taxes for banksters (and his bankster wife). Signature issue: vacationing during crises
n. Paul Ryan: He submitted a budget plan that creates deficits through 2081 & thats even with cuts to social security & no more Medicare. Signature issue: P90X
o. Ronald Reagan: He may be dead but he’s alive in every GOP stump speech. Signature issue: Not wanting his name invoked by current GOP
p. Mitch Daniels: He’s the budget expert who architected GWBush’s deficit busting budget. Signature issue: managing budgets
q. John Thune: He’s a fiscal conservative who voted for 2 wars, 2 tax cuts. Signature issue: deficit
r. Fred Karger: He’s a gay republican. Signature issue: he’s a gay republican.
s. John Bolton: He visited swingers clubs in the 70s, wants to blow up the UN. Signature issue: Nuking Iran
t. Michele Bachmann: She’s foster cared for 27 children, married to a gay whisperer, lived off government dole for entire life, reads Von Mises on the beach. Signature issue: Thinks Salma Hayek wrote Road to Serfdom
